Do you feel like you are not living the life you want? Does it seem like every other person around you is living their dream life? It’s your life, so why does it seem like you are not in control? If you are still reading this article, then the assumption is that you are ready, willing and able to do what is required to change your life. Below are some important lessons for life that will provide some insight into why you might not be living the life you want.

1. You are constantly comparing yourself to others

The first reason you might not be living the life you want is because you probably spend a lot of time comparing yourself to other people (time you could have spent living your best life). Sadly, far too many people find themselves engaging in this behaviour, and social media has provided us with an extensive amount of material we can use for these comparisons. But why is it such a bad idea to spend so much time using other people’s lives as a benchmark for your own worth?

“Comparison is the death of joy” – Mark Twain. Comparison will mostly contribute to making you feel more miserable because it breeds feelings of envy and low self-esteem. Additionally, the information you are using as a basis for your comparison is likely inaccurate. Why? Because most people only present an edited version of their reality. Comparing yourself to others is extremely ineffective because we all have our own unique paths to follow. A better approach would be to compare your current self to you future self/selves (what you want to become). The discrepancy between your current and future self is your impetus for change. This will help you grow and constantly improve yourself (working toward your ideal self).

2. You are afraid of change

We all know that change is constant. We are destined to change, and the same applies to the people around us. We know this, so why are most people afraid of change? Mostly because we love our comfort zones and we fear the unknown. We feel safe and secure in our comfort zones, and anything that threatens this serenity is seen as problematic. But it does not have to be this way. In fact, being able to embrace change has many benefits and will get you a step closer to living the life you want.

So, why is it important for you to embrace change? The first reason is obvious – you have no choice! Change must happen, so you might as well learn to enjoy it. The second and probably the most important reason is that change helps us learn and grow. It teaches us to adapt to circumstances we never knew we could. It helps us discover ourselves. Embracing change also helps us to be more flexible in life. This will afford you more possibilities and opportunities in your life. There are many lessons for life you are going to learn once you become comfortable with change. Lessons that will help pave the way to a better life.

3. You are wasting time on things you cannot control

How are you going to have the life you want if you are spending a lot of time and energy focusing on things you can’t change? The painful truth is that there are many things that you cannot control in your life. The sooner you acknowledge that fact the closer you get to living the life you want.

How do you stop wasting time on things that are out of your control? Start by determining what is within your control, such as your attitude, goals, decisions, and work ethic. Then think about what you cannot control, such as other people’s values and how they behave. Spend more time on the things that are within your control.

Putting these important lessons for life into practice will surely improve your life. But it is also important to acknowledge the fact that you might not always get everything you want in life, and things might not always go your way – and that’s okay. There are many ways to define success!

Categories: Life Lessons

30 Comments

Amie Warwick · January 18, 2020 at 10:16 pm

Right now, my husband and I have the money, so we have been traveling and living abroad. So, I will say our life is good right now, but soon we will be settling down and starting a family. I am not sure what our future life will be like. We are still relatively newlyweds, so I am not sure what life will be like once our life is settled. Will I be dreaming about a different life–my “ideal life” that I am not living?
Reading this article actually scares me a little.

    duppydomTEAM · January 19, 2020 at 9:31 pm

    Amie – the good news is that before you and your husband “settle down”, you are already starting to think about your “ideal life”. So, you can start planning for the life that will make the both of you happy. Many people simply meander in life, and one day it occurs to them that they want more out of life. Starting with a plan and discovering pathways to goal attainment are the best ways to achieve the life you want 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦🏡🚗🛫💕

    S. Jakes · January 20, 2020 at 5:09 pm

    🤗

    Adaego M. Azi · January 21, 2020 at 8:06 am

    🤗

S. Jakes · January 19, 2020 at 1:30 am

I would have to say that I am happy with some parts of my life and wonder why other parts are not where I want it to be. Constantly comparing myself to others is definitely a problem – “comparison is the death of joy” – I like that! I agree, this makes me envious and does affect my self-worth – but these are two things that I am working on. I think my other problem is expecting my life to change instantly – I can be very impatient. My “best life” is not going to happen overnight. Thank you duppydom 👏

    duppydomTEAM · January 19, 2020 at 9:30 pm

    S. Jakes – thank you for sharing. It looks like you are very introspective about your life. And more importantly, that reflection is leading to changes in your life. I particularly like the acknowledgement that our “best life” is a work in progress 🌚⭐⭐

      S. Jakes · January 20, 2020 at 5:07 pm

      Thank you 🤗

    Adaego M. Azi · January 21, 2020 at 8:07 am

    🎈🎈

Bruce Peters · January 19, 2020 at 2:33 am

duppydomTEAM – after reading the article, it occurred to me that the question, “why can’t I have the life I want”, is one of those questions that people should ask only if they truly want to hear the answer.
Because “you” are the only person in charge of your life, the only person who is preventing you from having the life you want, is the person staring back at you in the mirror. Even though most people ask the question (at some point in their life), most people are not ready for the answer.

    duppydomTEAM · January 19, 2020 at 9:36 pm

    Bruce, as always, you have an interesting perspective on things. To some degree, I agree with you. But I also think that people often ask this question when they are not completely happy with their life, so perhaps they are at the stage in life when they are open to suggestion. Your comments also allude to the fact that sometimes someone is not getting what he or she wants out of life, because s/he is not the “only person in charge of their life” – perhaps there are many external influences which are impacting success, contentment and happiness in life 🚦

      Bruce Peters · January 27, 2020 at 3:41 am

      Kudos..

    Adaego M. Azi · January 21, 2020 at 8:09 am

    😎

    Amara Kone · January 22, 2020 at 6:16 am

    Agreed.

Adaego M. Azi · January 19, 2020 at 5:10 am

I feel that I have made some changes in my life (e.g., going back to school and changing my career) that have made me much happier. But I wouldn’t say that I am living my best life. I have read four duppydoms on this site that I have taken to heart, “asking for what you want”, “being more assertive”, “focusing on the now” and “failing upwards” that I hope will change my mindset and help lead me to my “ideal self” that is mentioned in the article. Let’s just say that I am still a work in progress. Thanks duppydomTEAM. I really enjoy reading these kinds of articles.

    duppydomTEAM · January 19, 2020 at 9:27 pm

    Thank you Adaego – another example of someone introspecting about life and making changes as a result. You are correct that sometimes it takes a paradigm shift to start seeing the world (or impediments in life) from a different perspective. Onward and upward, Adaego 🚀

      Adaego M. Azi · January 21, 2020 at 8:01 am

      🙏❤

    S. Jakes · January 20, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    😎

Amara Kone · January 20, 2020 at 12:26 am

The title of the article begins with, “So Many Other People Do”, and I think this is the obstacle to people living the life they want. They are constantly comparing their lives to the lives of everybody else. “There are many ways to define success!” – the last line of the article is the key to success. Often, when you define what success actually means to you, you realize that you are living the life you want.

    duppydomTEAM · January 21, 2020 at 12:34 am

    Amara – you made some excellent points. The logic of constantly comparing yourself to others is similar to always thinking, the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes, it is only after counting our own blessings (i.e., redefining success), do we realize how lucky we are and how happy we should be 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 👩🏼‍🤝‍🧑🏼 ⚕ 🏠 🏭 💕

      Amara Kone · January 22, 2020 at 6:11 am

      Thank you. This makes sense.

    Adaego M. Azi · January 21, 2020 at 8:02 am

    🤗

Nadine Wu · January 20, 2020 at 1:11 am

I would have to agree with S. Jakes and Adaego – there are many parts of my life that I am happy with and many parts that I am not happy with. However, for me, I would be living my best life if I was a full-time writer (novelist) and not have to worry about working at jobs (full-time and part-time) that do not make me happy. I assume that if I quit my job and focus solely on writing, I might get there faster, but I would probably starve to death before I would be an independent writer – this is my catch-22.

    duppydomTEAM · January 21, 2020 at 12:32 am

    Nadine – we appreciate your comments. This is the dilemma artists regularly face – “if I truly believe in my craft should I completely focus on it and not worry about material things”. We do not know what the best answer to this question is, but one can only assume that being a starving artist is not pleasant. Nadine, have you ever thought about getting a job in a publishing house? Or, any job that will allow you to practice your craft while simultaneously allowing you to earn a living 🖋📖

    Adaego M. Azi · January 21, 2020 at 8:03 am

    🤗

Lisa Steffler · January 20, 2020 at 4:47 am

duppydomTEAM, again, thank you for opening my eyes. This is a very interesting topic and I can’t say this is something I have ever thought about. If I thought about my best life, it would have to include my children and the church. I am definitely “afraid of change” when it comes to my kids – I could see them being married with their own children but still living at home with me (joking…somewhat). When it comes to the volunteer work with my church, living my best life would mean having more resources to help more people in need – and a lot of this I “cannot control”. All in all, I would say that I am happy with my life, but there are some things that could make my life more ideal. I enjoyed reading this article – a lot of food for thought.

    duppydomTEAM · January 21, 2020 at 12:30 am

    Thank you, Lisa. Like you, most of us are content with parts of our life, while we struggle with other parts of our life. Even though circumstances might hinder the resources available to your church, being involved in charity work must be extremely rewarding, and a big component of living your best life! Keep fighting the good fight of faith, Lisa ⛪❤💖

      Lisa Steffler · January 26, 2020 at 8:59 am

      🙏🙏

    Adaego M. Azi · January 21, 2020 at 8:04 am

    🙏💖❤

D'Gauntlett · February 2, 2020 at 4:05 pm

Growing up in a home where my mother drilled us like a Master Sergeant, always telling us to never compare ourselves to the Jones’ as nobody knows how they acquire what they have. To this day I carry those words with me and live my life as such.
Reach for the moon, she’d say, if you don’t make it, be happy with what and where you are in life and keep on trying.

Being content and Peaceful will always elude us if we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Unless we are the Bill Gates of the world with money or Princess Diana with her beauty, we’ll always be running and never catching up.

Me and my retired life is as happy and peaceful as it gets.
Praising God and serving the poor among us. Traveling, loving on my gran and great-gran children and hanging with family and friends.
Apart from learning and growing, embracing change means keeping my old brain cells active, as I make new tracks. Life has a lot to offer, but it must be seen through our own tinted lenses as we keep reaching for the moon. Thanks Team duppydom.

    duppydomTEAM · February 4, 2020 at 6:05 am

    D’Gauntlett – thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. There are many who have the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality. They use their neighbors or people they see in the media as their benchmark for success and happiness. And as you indicated, this is really where the problem lies. We must stop comparing ourselves and our lives to others – there will always be others with lives that look “rosier” than ours. And looking from the outside in, we have no idea why their lives looks better – we just see the final product. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we must define what success means to us and strive to create that success. D’Gauntlett, you appear to be well on your way to living YOUR best life 🌑⭐⭐

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