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Nadine Wu

 

Asking For What You Want

Posted On:29-Dec-2019/7:14 pm

Telling others what you want can be outright terrifying. On one hand, you want others to know what you want, but on the other hand, you don't want to seem too aggressive. But sometimes you must be assertive and let others know what you want directly. This can be especially true for friendships, workplaces, and romantic relationships. Nobody can read your mind, only you know what you want, and therefore, only you can go out and get it.

When I first met my ex-boyfriend, we became very good friends. However, I wanted more, but was far too shy and nervous to tell him so. Instead, I played it subtle, hoping that he would realize I liked him on his own. Of course, he never did. He couldn't read my mind, how was he supposed to know I really liked him? Funnily enough, the same went for him as well. Unbeknown to me at the time, he wanted to pursue a relationship with me, but he was also too shy and nervous to tell me. This back and forth went on for two years before, finally, he just came out and told me that he had always wanted to be with me. When I reciprocated, we laughed at how we had both wasted two years simply because we were not being direct with each other. If either of us had just told the other what we wanted, we would have gotten together a lot earlier. While this doesn't always work out for the best, it's important to be direct anyway. Like I said earlier, nobody can read your mind. If you want something, you need to be open and direct, or else you may never get the chance.

Of course, it can still be difficult for assertiveness to become part of your mindset. Even after this incident with my former boyfriend, it still took me years to truly be direct with people. In fact, a similar thing happened to me again, but in a professional manner.

When I used to work at a 24-hour Print and Copy Center, I was constantly getting night shifts. These shifts left a lot to be desired -- they would sometimes last until 2am and did not pay any overtime. These shifts also cut into my second job as a freelance writer and were even affecting my personal life. To put it mildly, I hated night shifts, but I never asked my boss for different shifts, out of fear that she would be angry. After a year of enduring these shifts, I finally asked her if I could do a daytime shift, because I had a wedding to go to. She not only granted it but told me she had been looking for people to do more day shifts. I then asked if I could be permanently moved to the day shift, and she was shocked. She thought I preferred the night shift because I had been doing them for so long.

In the end, being direct with people and letting them know what you want might not always work out for the best, but there's a chance that it will. Even with the sliver of chance, it’s worth it to just be direct and tell people what you want.

Lastly, here is something to always keep in mind: the first step to getting what you want out of life is asking for it. If the answer is “no”, at least you know getting it won’t be easy and now you can start planning strategies to get it.

Takeaways:

1 : Telling the universe what you want out of life can be terrifying.

2 : People can’t read your mind. Only you can go out and get what you want.

3 : The first step to getting what you want out of life is asking for it.

Category:  the Self/Self-Improvement / Subcategory:  Assertive Mindset

Tags: Aggressiveness, Assertiveness, Being Open, Being Direct, Shy, Nervous, Mindset, Life, Planning, Strategies

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D. C. Lawrence

30-Dec-2019

S. Jakes, because you are asking, here are my thoughts. Sometimes people want success overnight. I am not sure how long you have been working at your career. If it is less than five years-give it time-and also keep in mind that there is no time limit to paying your dues. And in terms of telling the universe what you want out of life, specifically who are you speaking to? Make sure you are telling the right people. If you are concerned about not advancing in your career as quickly as you would like to, make sure you are speaking to the people who have the power to give you what you want (the decision-makers at your place of work)-good luck in 2020. Good read Nadine.

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Adaego M. Azi

30-Dec-2019

Nadine, I agree with you. I remember commenting on your duppydom that is somewhat similar to this one--being assertive instead of being aggressive. In getting what you want out of life, you have to be assertive in telling the universe what you want. This is something I have been working on. I like the idea of developing an assertiveness mindset. Good job Nadine. Hey, SJakes, slapping around the universe? lol :-0

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S. Jakes

29-Dec-2019

Nadine, this is another duppydom that is speaking directly to me. I am trying to be less shy and be more assertive in telling people (the universe) what I want out of life. I also feel that I am paying my dues in building my career. I am still not getting what I want in my career – so, in 2020, I am thinking that I need to start slapping the universe around until it starts listening? ;-) Ideas?