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Amelia Roosevelt

 

Bonds And Ties – Slackening Version

Posted On:10-Jan-2020/2:01 am

My husband has been admitted to hospital. I was filling my Hospitalization expenses claim form.

Name of the employee –

Employment number –

And then, “On behalf of self or dependent”

There was a sudden hesitation. If it is not for myself, it should be for a dependent. But, is he a dependent of me? Isn’t it me that is his dependent? 

Yes, once upon a time it was. But today in this 21st-century dependence depends on the situation. Sometimes it’s me depending on him, sometimes it could be him. Being working women not only we can provide for our needs, but we can also provide for our families too. As in the case of mine he - the head of the household, become a dependent of me, in the eyes of my company.

Weird, isn’t it?

But that is the truth. Whether there is a man in our life or not, we can go on. We can decide the fate of our lives - whether to be a leader in society or to have our own empires. 

In the era of survival, the woman voluntarily scooped under his wing to get that most wanted protection from the dangerous outside world, and on behalf of that man wanted her devotion, love and affection, care for him and his children? In addition to the cuddle, there was a need for survival behind the relationship of a man and a woman.

So, there was a kind of exchange.

Not like in the hunter-gatherer era, we no more hiding in a den under his protective eyes. Not because the dangers thinned out, but we learned how to face them ourselves. We learned how to tackle evil. In addition to the expectations of him and the society to look after and take care of them (his family), we have extended our wings. We set ourselves free. Free from the bond of exchange. No more we like to be caged in a house, or someone to set rules for us dictating what to do or not to do. We are independent.

In the other way, most of the times men are not with the family. Either gone far away for earning, learning or entertaining. Bonds become loose. The necessity for his protection and the role of provider gone, he is also going out of the bond.

This is not what it always. Still, the society seeks kindness, responsibility, compassion and care from the woman and honesty, power, strength and provider role from the man (Pew Research Centre, USA, 2018).

I totally agree with that. Still, I‘m reluctant to consider me as a provider for the family and I think it is my responsibility to take care of my family. To protect what he earned and his property. I think most of you out there agree with me. We still are attached to our basic roles. (A kind of satisfaction is in there)

However, things are changing. There are more divorces, more and more unmarried people, and low bondage within families, low birth rates and adoring freedom to family lives. No more there is a huge consideration for the other partner.

I got some insecure feeling with the thought. Is this the end of the man-woman relationship? Will this come to a point where they don’t need each other anymore? Will there be a day man and woman relationship become a mere style, passion or just a commodity like a car, which could be replaced from time to time for a better version. Will the concept of the family be extinct? 

Some say the man is like a riverbank, keeps the beautifully emotional feminine soul within her boundaries. They say the masculine soul is the source of stability for the woman. They say, the need of a "modern-day woman" is attention, admiration, respect, companionship and his ears for her words.

I still long for the love and care I receive from my partner. I cherish the safe environment within his arms. I love the attention and cuddle I receive when I need that most. I am afraid to be a commodity which could be replaced at any time.

I wish we could live long in a loving world.

Takeaways:

1 : Marriage bonds bound beyond boarders

2 : The bond between man and woman is under extinction

Category:  Marriage / Subcategory:  changing role of the life-partner

Tags: man-woman relationship, necessity and commodity version of marriage, marriage, family, future

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Adaego M. Azi

19-Jan-2020

Amelia--I always look forward to reading your duppydoms, but this one made me very sad. First, I am glad to hear that your husband is okay. I never like to hear that a marriage is not working out, especially when the couple has children. I am also wishing that you could go back to a loving marriage--and whatever happens I am hoping that you find kindness and happiness. Amelia--I am sending love and my prayers :-)

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Bruce Peters

18-Jan-2020

Amelia--here is another male perspective. It is common to try to hold on to a marriage, particularly when you have put in many years and children are involved. Before I got divorced, I knew I still loved her, but try as I might, we just did not get along--and I am still not exactly sure what went wrong. And if I am being honest, before getting divorced, two of the worst thoughts in my head was the thought of being a divorcee (what would people say?) and realizing that I failed at the most significant societal institution. I am now divorced and when I look back, I knew the divorce was inevitable, I just did not want to admit it. Obviously, I do not know your situation--but at the end of the day, married or not, the most important things are finding peace and happiness within yourself.

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Amie Warwick

18-Jan-2020

Amelia--I am a newlywed, so I hope the bond between man and woman is not under extinction. As you know, marriage is not easy--sometimes it works out and sometimes it seems like it was not meant to be. Whatever happens with your marriage I hope you find happiness. Just know that many people are wishing you the best from life.

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Amelia Roosevelt

12-Jan-2020

Dear Mr Lawrence, thanks for opening the male perspective for us to hear. You (the male counterparts in our lives) are always silent and it is very difficult for us to understand what is going on. Thanks again for your very impressive comment because it taught me a lot. My husband is now well - thanks for your kind concern.

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Amara Kone

11-Jan-2020

I know the feeling of angst and insecurity when a relationship is not working out. I also know what you mean when you say you feel safe in the arms of a man. But Amelia, you cannot live in fear of being a commodity which could be replaced at any time. Marriage only works when both people love each other just as much and are working just as hard to maintain it. If the exchange is one-sided it will not work. I wish the best for you, your husband and your marriage.

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D. C. Lawrence

11-Jan-2020

Amelia-I do not think that marriage will go extinct anytime soon. If you are ever in a restaurant and see a man on his knees proposing to a women-take note-the entire restaurant erupts in applause, congratulations and joy-even those who are divorced. Humanity still values the concept of marriage. I think the problem lies with the practice of marriage. Here is my male perspective--For decades, women have been telling men that they/women are independent, strong, intelligent, self-sufficient, not attached to their man, do not necessarily need the love of a man, are more than a sexual being, can make their own money, are not born to be only child-rearers or housewives, etc. To some degree, men are felling emasculated. Men no longer know how to treat women or know if they are even valued by women. And when there are problems in a marriage, now men are much quicker to feel detached, dejected and more inclined to leave the marriage because they probably do not feel needed. Marriage and the family will not go extinct, but the future of marriage will require a new meeting of minds-husbands and wives (and perhaps society) will have to carve out new roles and expectations. Amelia-I hope you husband is well. Nice read.