My mind is confused. Am I doing the right thing? Will my giving bring one more successful person to this world or is this mere over-pampering of an impostor.
You also might have faced such situations in your life. You are donating to poor and inside you are like, "Am I doing the right thing?"
I am funding a few university students who desperately need a helping hand. It is a commitment just for a few years. Then they will be on their own feet and I will be happy for bringing another useful person to this world. When I was young nobody was there to fund me. I grew my vegetables and sold them to get what I needed. I had to leave my higher studies to earn for myself. I don't want anyone to feel that heartbreak.
However, what I have seen, what I have heard made me anxious.
The student I am funding seems to have a fine life – the latest smartphone, clean new suits, a motorcycle of his own – despite the difficulties he told us. I knew him for many years. His mother is critically ill, his father is working but not funding enough for the family. They are always depending on neighbours and relatives. They don’t have enough furniture at home, food is not cooked regularly since no one is there to prepare it. That was one part we have witnessed. Otherwise, he is having a laptop, buy meals from eateries (for the whole family) and there are rumours his father is funding his mistress. So, when we fund his children that means we are indirectly funding his mistress.
Despite all that I gave him my laptop, when he said his laptop is not working and needed one for studies though I needed it for my work. I transfer some amount from my salary every month for his expenses. For all this, I have to sacrifice many things I want for myself.
Just last week one of my friends brought me another news. During the weekend he has met this student with his father and they have clued him he required a new laptop. He was furious about them. "Cheaters," he said. "Always saying their difficulties. That man is a rogue." he went on. He didn't know that I have given mine.
Now I am anxious.
Are they playing with my empathetic nature? Am I perfectly cheated?
Maybe my laptop is not enough for his requirements or being an old one it may be giving difficulties. He was private tutoring for some college students, maybe he was using those earnings to buy things for himself. (He has to maintain some status among his friends, hasn’t he?). So on and so forth my arguing with myself went on– for and against my empathetic mind.
When I discussed this indirectly with my friend he said, “Do whatever you can and leave it there. Be happy with what you have done.”
Yes, there is no obligation for me to do that. Also, I am not a person to assess someone’s life as good or bad. If I feel happy with what I have done, if it made some good to this world, isn’t that enough?
According to the preaching of Lord Buddha, that will fulfil the “Dana” or giving without attachment. I will do it with a glad mindset before giving, glad and clear while giving and feel gratified after giving – having pure thoughts at all three stages of the mind. I have given it to adorn and beautify my mind.
That will bring me happiness every time I remember it, remaining with me forever, and that is enough.
1 : Giving is leaving your attachments, assessing afterwards is not that
2 : No one can judge life of another
3 : Do things good for you and for the others to live happilyCategory: the Self/Self-Improvement / Subcategory: Looking back
Tags: Dana, giving, renunciation, attachment, assessing the worth of giving,