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Amelia Roosevelt


Identifying You

Posted On:10-May-2020/7:37 am

(This is kind of a trilogy, followed by two more articles)

In our society after a marriage proposal, the other family will be invited for a meal. The meal is a kind of a trap (in my opinion wink).

The manner they behave during that time will scream out who they are, what they were, despite the pretty nice clothes, their family names or the elegant walk and talk. This rule is common for the host and the guest - both sides. Table manners and the way you talk, your words and emotional controls give out the purest description about your roots.

That meal to reveal their true self is not a search for their evil side but is a way to get out the ancestry of that family.

Why we do all this? Why someone’s roots are so important to recognize themselves?

In marriages, this is to see whether they befit our ways. The way we live, we communicate, we behave, treat others, our beliefs, practices, our values, genetic inheritance and many more to consider. Simply, to understand whether that marriage will ruin or upgrade our family.

This process thus depicts what comes with us. Even the name we inherited flashes in the other’s mind our responsibility, intelligence, talent, competence and many more, even before seeing us. Even if we are not from a well-recognized family, the way we behave tells others many tales about what to expect.

That is about families, what about the world.

I have seen many people go on searching their parents, take DNA tests to identify their roots. Not only individuals but even governments and organizations are also ready to support to build sociocultural connections. UNESCO created 3D interactive models of endangered heritage sites to preserve legacies. Every government has state of the art cultural centres… why all this?

Because it shows connections. It shows which piece we are in this big puzzle called the world. It develops belongingness. It gives a reason for our existence in that place. It shows how much love and caring exists around us weaving a great network. Our roots show us lost links. It gives proof to legends or wipes out false beliefs. It brings back lost members of our heritage to compensate shrinking societies.

This identification could affect individuals differently.

For some, it may bring glory while to others shame (as per their opinion). So, it is kind of a building or wiping out pride – knowing who we are.

Because of a shame consciousness, some may try to erase their past. They leave their original birthplaces, change their names and cut contacts with the family. But, the change should be inside you - the one walked through all that process, to become who you are today. It should not be a make-believe self even s/he could not understand.

I quite agree with Mr D C Lawrence;

“Our thoughts, beliefs, ideas, conceptualizations, assumptions, myths, and most importantly, our memories, make us who we are. It would be no easy feat to simply erase the things that constitute our being.”

As an individual, for me, the most important to identify about myself is, "how harmful you could be to the other", in our social life.

If my status, my inheritance was recognized as influential, people around me would act on whatever I said or favour me overriding others' basic rights. (For example, a higher-ranked politician's son has unjustly been awarded as the best recruit and sent for training overseas, which actually should have gone to a commoner's son. It could have been a turning point for his life). If I am considered as powerful, my words will be acted upon without analyzing repercussions. Some may imitate us. I think this is the most important aspect we should recognize in identifying ourselves. A part of controlling those inept behaviours comes up to us. Either we have to become those charismatic selves ascribed on us or to reveal our true selves to avoid those blind following -wink  

Even not so powerful beings like me, could damage another's a good name, harm someone's inner peace or become a threat to someone's rights. Therefore, it is better to understand who we are, not only along our ancestral lines but also knowing how impactful our existence to the others.

For me, that meal during a proposal, represents a deep tradition, reminding us to identify ourselves and our impact in this society.  



1 : Knowing yourself is the best thing you can do

2 : Identifying you is a blessing

Category:  Life / Subcategory:  Knowing yourself is the purest gift

Tags: identifying you, culture, traditions, latent objectives, mingle with society

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Nadine Wu


Amelia and S. Jakes, this idea of trying to figure out if the other side is worthy of being part of the family is even more important when the couple is interracial. I saw this firsthand where the family of the groom did not want him to marry a Chinese girl and he ended up breaking off the engagement. People are so rigid about their ancestry. I think this is such a load of crap. We are all humans; we all share the same DNA and for the most part, the same lineage.

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Amara Kone


Amelia, interesting duppydom. I have always found the interplay between the individual and their ancestry interesting. To some degree, everyone wants to separate themselves from their genetic predispositions. To some degree, everyone wants to be an individual and not think of their existence as being predetermined. But I also think people realize that it is important to know where they come from and how it impacts their current life. This is probably why companies like AncestryDNA and 23andMe have become so popular.

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S. Jakes


Amelia, I agree with D. C., your duppydom is amazing. You are right, when a couple decide to marry, both sides try to figure out if the other side is worthy of becoming part of their family. That really is an odd thing when you think about it. But this has probably been going on for centuries. We probably do not want bad blood joining our gene pool--but who can say that our blood is good? Identifying you is a blessing--that is awesome. That is what I have been doing lately :-)

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D. C. Lawrence


Amelia, there are so many interesting and thought-provoking parts to your duppydom, I did not know where to start, when responding. So, I will focus on two things: yes, I agree, it is imperative to define yourself solely within the context of your being, and how you can and do impact the world. I believe this is extremely important when you are young; you often hear about twenty-somethings going off to Europe to find themselves. However, as you start having a few more decades under your belt, you now must start looking at yourself within the context of your family/ancestry. Why? Because you start noticing familial traits and predispositions revealing themselves (whether good or bad), and they are a way of explaining why you are the way you are, or, why you do what you do, sometimes reflexively. And therefore, try as you might, you cannot escape your lineage. Some change their name, move to a different geographic location, or even get a facelift, but they cannot outrun their ancestry. You can try to cut down your family tree, but the roots are firmly planted. On a personal note, there are so many traps one could fall into when it comes to marriage, I would need a week to clarity. Lastly, when I read the second line of your duppydom […The meal is a kind of a trap (in my opinion…], the first think I thought about was the saying [do not grow up, it is a trap]…I am not sure why this saying has been stuck in my head for years. Excellent read, Amelia.