(This is kind of a trilogy, followed by two more articles)
In our society after a marriage proposal, the other family will be invited for a meal. The meal is a kind of a trap (in my opinion ).
The manner they behave during that time will scream out who they are, what they were, despite the pretty nice clothes, their family names or the elegant walk and talk. This rule is common for the host and the guest - both sides. Table manners and the way you talk, your words and emotional controls give out the purest description about your roots.
That meal to reveal their true self is not a search for their evil side but is a way to get out the ancestry of that family.
Why we do all this? Why someone’s roots are so important to recognize themselves?
In marriages, this is to see whether they befit our ways. The way we live, we communicate, we behave, treat others, our beliefs, practices, our values, genetic inheritance and many more to consider. Simply, to understand whether that marriage will ruin or upgrade our family.
This process thus depicts what comes with us. Even the name we inherited flashes in the other’s mind our responsibility, intelligence, talent, competence and many more, even before seeing us. Even if we are not from a well-recognized family, the way we behave tells others many tales about what to expect.
That is about families, what about the world.
I have seen many people go on searching their parents, take DNA tests to identify their roots. Not only individuals but even governments and organizations are also ready to support to build sociocultural connections. UNESCO created 3D interactive models of endangered heritage sites to preserve legacies. Every government has state of the art cultural centres… why all this?
Because it shows connections. It shows which piece we are in this big puzzle called the world. It develops belongingness. It gives a reason for our existence in that place. It shows how much love and caring exists around us weaving a great network. Our roots show us lost links. It gives proof to legends or wipes out false beliefs. It brings back lost members of our heritage to compensate shrinking societies.
This identification could affect individuals differently.
For some, it may bring glory while to others shame (as per their opinion). So, it is kind of a building or wiping out pride – knowing who we are.
Because of a shame consciousness, some may try to erase their past. They leave their original birthplaces, change their names and cut contacts with the family. But, the change should be inside you - the one walked through all that process, to become who you are today. It should not be a make-believe self even s/he could not understand.
I quite agree with Mr D C Lawrence;
“Our thoughts, beliefs, ideas, conceptualizations, assumptions, myths, and most importantly, our memories, make us who we are. It would be no easy feat to simply erase the things that constitute our being.”
As an individual, for me, the most important to identify about myself is, "how harmful you could be to the other", in our social life.
If my status, my inheritance was recognized as influential, people around me would act on whatever I said or favour me overriding others' basic rights. (For example, a higher-ranked politician's son has unjustly been awarded as the best recruit and sent for training overseas, which actually should have gone to a commoner's son. It could have been a turning point for his life). If I am considered as powerful, my words will be acted upon without analyzing repercussions. Some may imitate us. I think this is the most important aspect we should recognize in identifying ourselves. A part of controlling those inept behaviours comes up to us. Either we have to become those charismatic selves ascribed on us or to reveal our true selves to avoid those blind following -
Even not so powerful beings like me, could damage another's a good name, harm someone's inner peace or become a threat to someone's rights. Therefore, it is better to understand who we are, not only along our ancestral lines but also knowing how impactful our existence to the others.
For me, that meal during a proposal, represents a deep tradition, reminding us to identify ourselves and our impact in this society.
1 : Knowing yourself is the best thing you can do
2 : Identifying you is a blessingCategory: Life / Subcategory: Knowing yourself is the purest gift
Tags: identifying you, culture, traditions, latent objectives, mingle with society