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Amelia Roosevelt

 

Love Is Not What You Say, Love Is What You Do

Posted On:30-Nov-2019/2:35 am

She is a living legend.

A lady in her late nineties, she is a very beautiful woman, clean, neat and tidy in her work. Her best friend was my mum. My mum had spent most of her early years at home with this friend.

When I was at home mum used to tell many things about her friend – how she had to take care of all her younger siblings (not one or two - nine of them), how her very devoted marriage failed, how depressed she was for some time, the way she built up her life after that – so many things. Those were inspiring. Very interesting to understand ways of life.

When my mum was gone she was so lonely, calls me often to chat with her – to recall her life, to enjoy what she went through.

Let us call her Lizbeth.

Despite the divorce, being in the same trade, she often had to work with her ex-husband. A messy person he was it seemed, she had to support him in managing his expenses and to organize his daily schedule. “He always asked me what to do. I could not ignore him.” She told me.

One day he asked her for a favour. (For me, it is a massive request – something unimaginable). He wanted to marry a woman he was dating for some time and wanted Lizbeth to make her wedding dress.

If you were Lizbeth, what would you do?

She agreed.

She prepared a beautiful dress for his new bride.

Even after the marriage, he wanted her as his best friend, mentor, guider (I failed to find the perfect word to describe that relationship) for life. She never claimed any alimony. Had a daughter and son from that marriage she let her daughter inherit his property and brought up both her children to be at helms of their professional lives. To extract their capabilities to the last drop was her ambition. She wanted to show him how successful one could become. She supported him too, to stand tall in his life the same way.

When he died, she did not attend his funeral. She didn’t want anyone to know that she was the supportive pillar of his life. She knew his weaknesses, she accepted him as far as she could and left when it was time. Despite all that, she did not abandon him in his life.

Once I came across a quote. “Love is not what you say, Love is what you do.”

If I had heard her story earlier, I would have been confused. But, today at my ripened age of 53, I can recognize the purest love in her actions.

Men are born to dare and are vulnerable in their role in this world. The woman who understands this fate adores him, cures him and restores him in his daring self. He was blessed with such a woman.

To be a true lover, you need not own him.

It is the difference between “like someone” and “love someone”. When you like a flower you just pluck it. When you love, you water it daily. - Lord Buddha. The plucking makes it die sooner and cease to exist in the form you loved. It is the appreciation which depicts love, not the possession (Keeping with you, killing him/her internally).

Isn’t it better to see him/ her being happy in their lives rather than killing his/ her true self? For me adoring them from a distance is better than caging them.

She taught me a big lesson, for my life.

Let us love our soulmates dearly and let them bloom. 

Takeaways:

1 : Love does not possess, it cares

2 : Weigh your relationship with the amount of concern for the other

3 : Love blooms lives

Category:  Relationships / Subcategory:  A relationship depends on what goes on in it

Tags: Love, divorce, care in love, understanding, like and love

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Bruce Peters

06-Dec-2019

Amelia--indeed, a very interesting story.

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D'Gauntlett

05-Dec-2019

Amelia - This Duppydom is such an interesting read, I’ve tried times over to understand Lizbeth’s acceptance of the situation and actions. I know and understand what true love is but also know how far I’m willing to go for the one who have caused hurt and pain to my heart and soul. My Ex and his current woman friend would be wearing two banana leafs sewn together if they were expecting me to take an active roll in preparing for their wedding day. That man knew no boundaries, nor did his new wife, who should have had concerns. Women must pay attention to some things, we could find ourselves in the same predicament. When I was a young woman my husband and I lived in 2 different countries as he pursued his education. On one of my visits he asked me to agree to a divorce so he could marry someone who could turn his student visa into a permanent visa. I fiercely declined. He divorced me anyways. With much pain and hurt I move on with my life. The love for my Ex never went away, but I kept my distance from he and the philly he married. Some 26 years later he found me and stated his life was an empty, he asked forgiveness for his transgressions and proclaimed he never stopped loving me. I forgave him, 2 years after we got married a 2nd time, but in 2010, 8 years later, I held his hand as he took his last breath and died from stage4 lung cancer. In the Bible, Mark 12:31, Jesus commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Not more than ourselves. People expect from us what we give them permission to expect. Is it possible Lizbeth lacked Self love, inner strength and self-esteem?. Thanks for sharing.

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D. C. Lawrence

01-Dec-2019

Amelia-while reading your duppydom the first time, I realized that my mouth had fallen open-this is how captivating I found your story. So, I read it four more times to capture every nuance. There are so many concepts in your story that ring true-for example…love is not an emotion, it is a behavior…love comes in all shapes and sizes…and the fact that we have many experiences in life, many of which we do not understand or appreciate until we reach a certain level of maturity. Amelia-a while back, Adaego said you think like a philosopher-I agree wholeheartedly. Nice read.

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S. Jakes

01-Dec-2019

Amelia--since you are asking, if I was Lizbeth I would not have made the wedding dress--wow. I agree with Adaego, every woman would want a man to love them like that. But after reading the story I started thinking if there is a difference between blind love and true love--something I used to hear my mom talk about all the time. I really like your analogy about the flower :) Nice duppydom Amelia.

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Adaego M. Azi

30-Nov-2019

At first, I was sad then happy for Lizbeth. What a beautiful heart she has and what a beautiful story. I probably would not behave like her husband did, but I would be so glad if someone loved me the way she loved him--some people are so fortunate to be loved like that. And I think God is rewarding her by giving her a long life. Amelia, thank you for sharing this duppydom.