I never asked my husband how much he earned. Never did I question for what he spent his money.
Don’t think I am going to say how saintly I am. A wife should know the financial flows of her home. It is a kind of responsibility. A family is also an institution. Members of the family should have an understanding of how much they bring in and how much will be parted with to keep it afloat. I know enough (about his money) for that. Also, I know it is his hard-earned money, should have some freedom to decide how he wants to spend it.
My friend thinks differently.
Her husband has been working overseas for about a decade. When he comes, she checks on everything he brought home. For what, is it for home, if not for whom, how much, she wants to know everything. Once, he brought home a skin cream his cousin had asked. (I forgot to tell you he works in a cosmetics factory in Europe.) She was purple from fury. “How they call him directly to get whatever they want. Don’t know how many other things they have got through him.”
I didn't know what to say. Because I never bothered.
Your spouse’s life did not begin after the marriage.
He or she has passed so many years among his/ her relatives before you. (Before even knowing you.) they are his/her roots. Their contribution made him/her today. You might not know what kind of relationship they have had. Some might have paid for his education. Some might have taken care of little him when his parents were at work. Some might have given their parents shelter until they get a house of their own. There could be so many sweet memories among them. Can he tell all those things to you?
Think about the other party – the cousin. Have they renounced the bond between them when their relative got married? It really hurt me, when I saw my cousin brother enjoying his special events surrounding his in-Laws now, where we should have been. It is like part of us has been chopped off.
So, do not interfere with their relationships.
In Buddhism, caring for relatives is emphasized as a blessing or a good omen. Giving builds mental purity. It develops harmony, compassion, and concern for others. However, this giving should be done wisely.
I was silent while my friend passed her fury. Later, in a separate discussion, I told her that I have never asked about my husband’s expenses, or for whom he spent. I told her that I know he was spending for his relatives, but I have never insisted because I don’t know what role they have played in his life (before me.) Eyes goggled she watched me, not sure to accept it or not.
What do you think? Am I stupid?
1 : Your spouse has a personal space
2 : life is built on relationships. Some are unknown to us
3 : Marriage is not allCategory: Family / Subcategory: Your spouse has a personal space
Tags: spouse, marriage, family, relationships , giving, caring for relatives, life