I have so many things to tell you but, I feel those are not good enough.
I can tell you about my dogs, my miseries, the day I lost my train ticket in the mid-voyage, how we caught fish in the stream when we were young – but I am being pushed down to the floor by some big negativity, of not being enough to meet your attention.
This is terrible, I agree.
Because I will not be happy, feel uncertain about everything I do. Is it because of this pandemic? Is it because of my present environment? Or is it because of me really being incapable?
Six months before, I was bubbling with thoughts, happy with my friends in my office. Now I am at home – cooking, cleaning and doing all the household chores – having no one to talk to about anything. Not a single word about how I do.
I feel I am not a good cook, but meals vanish without a trace. Then grumbling for not cooking enough or not receiving hot food at their time. I went to fetch some material to make some cushions, but am afraid that will not match the colours of the sofa. Several writings were left at the mid-story because I'm not sure it will make an impression on anyone.
This is a common situation when we do not receive any approval of our existence, of our work or our abilities.
Specially, with children, we have to be very keen on giving due recognition. Continuous pressure to be smarter than the others, to be sportier, to be more gracious, even mere comparison gives them the message that “you are not good enough to be appreciated”.
Seeking approval and love is common to all of us. There is no age barrier to it. Treat your colleague or assistant in an inferior way and see the repercussions. Their assignments will be late, even if handed over in time those will not pass the standards. (Actually, this is a trick some people use to keep the others down). This feeling of suffocation kills the inner soul to such extreme, even as an adult they feel no sense of worth.
They will be afraid of making mistakes. They will be very sensitive to criticism. Very worried if someone laughs at them. They get it as a confirmation of their incapability. Very soon they seem to disappear from the others, avoid gatherings, and cancel scheduled plans at the last minute. They will not talk about their lives. Very soon they develop aggressive behaviour. All those are protective action to get rid of that unworthy feeling.
When this goes further they will end up with depression, anxiety and anorexia, or bad habits like alcoholism, smoking and drug addiction.
If you love your colleague or your precious soul, avoid them falling into this trap – stop at the first sign.
Let them learn criticism is a common thing. Tell them “if you can’t laugh at yourself, others will do.” Tell them we all are not perfect, nobody really cares about us, they have their own concerns. Teach them to accept imperfection. Acceptance of our own foolishness is actually enjoyable. Support them to break those rooted negative beliefs.
If no one is there to support YOU, take a step back and analyze what happened, before engulfed in negative emotions. Retag your fears and thoughts as your strengths. Think good, happy, hopeful phrases. (You find so many memes shared around the globe because there are many like you, making mistakes, having embarrassments)
Think about Thomas Alva Edison, Abraham Lincoln, how they have not been appreciated, how they have faced criticism.
Keep in mind you are another human.
Err is human.
So, I started to write this and now finished well! Cheers!
1 : Everybody craves for love and approval
2 : Criticism can cause big harm
3 : Keep you mind strong! That really makes youCategory: Mental Health / Subcategory: Approval and love - vital substances of life
Tags: mental health, approval, love, criticism, bouncing back