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Lisa Steffler


Spontaneity And Marriage/Relationships

Posted On:04-Aug-2019/11:53 am

I am quite an organized person. I have multiple day-planners where I detail each activity I need to complete throughout the week. I also meticulously plan every event, from a large-scale party, to grocery shopping. While being organized can be a helpful tool, especially during day-to-day life, my life lesson is about how spontaneity can be the key to a happy life.

Firstly, let’s discuss spontaneity in relationships. I have been with my husband for a long time, and, as is the case with long-term relationships, we have found ourselves in a routine. Now, routine isn’t a bad thing, not even in relationships. Having a set schedule can sometimes be the only way to have some free time with your partner, especially when children are involved. But, in my experience, too much routine can make life predictable.

Recently, I have noticed how much of a routine my husband and I are in. Every weekend, we plan to go out together and grab lunch while we run errands. While our days out together are still lovely, they remain the same every week. This was until my younger sister taught me an interesting life lesson.

My sister and her boyfriend had a day out together – they went to the city, had lunch, and then sat in a park and just talked. When I asked her why they went all the way to the city she just shrugged. They had simply thought it was a nice day and decided to do something without a plan.

While this isn't the most interesting story or the most adventurous outing, it really made me think about the lack of spontaneity in my own life/relationship. To just go out with the person you love to do nothing was a beautiful sort of mundanity I appreciated. I decided that I would do the same and planned to be spontaneous the next weekend, but therein lies my problem. You can’t plan to be spontaneous, the two concepts contradict each other. To truly be spontaneous, I just needed to let go - to close the day-planner and not overthink everything. Usually, when I have a day out with my husband, I choose the restaurant prior to leaving, I plan an activity for us to do while out and, sometimes, I even read the menu of the restaurant online, so I know what I’m ordering. Instead, my husband and I went out without a plan. We went for a walk around the beach, we had lunch at a terrible cafe (terrible!!), and we drove around a town we had never been before. It was a lovely day.

That day I truly understood my sister’s thought process - that being spontaneous doesn’t mean being wild and crazy, it just means doing something without a plan. I believe that I was always somewhat afraid of spontaneity, but realizing that it doesn’t have to involve a wild adventure changed my opinion on it entirely.

While I understand the necessity of planning, especially in this hectic modern world, I think letting in a bit of spontaneity, even mundane spontaneity, can positively affect your routine.



1 : Don’t be afraid of being spontaneous.

2 : Being spontaneous doesn’t mean being wild and crazy, it just means doing something without a plan.

3 : Even mundane spontaneity is better that constant routineness.

Category:  Marriage / Subcategory:  Being Spontaneous

Tags: Organized, Schedule, Predictable, Routine, Mundane, Adventure, Activity, Plan, Relationship

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D. C. Lawrence


Lisa (and S. Jakes, Amie, and Adaego) – your arguments for the necessity of spontaneity in a marriage are sound. However, I think it also applies to single people. Many of us have had the same job for years, hang out with the same friends, dress similarly each day, eat the same meals, watch the same television programs, partake in the same recreational activities, etc. Just like people in long-term relationships, single people often fall into a groove. My explanation - as humans, we dedicate a lot of time and energy figuring out what we like and what makes us happy, and when we figure it out, we tend to stick with it. Years ago, I decided that every year I would vacation in a different country – a country that was completely different from my culture – it never happened – like many, I’m a creature of habit!!

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S. Jakes


Amie, you hit the nail on the head. When my girlfriends and I have girl-talk this is probably one of the things we talk about the most – adding spontaneity to romance and being romantic in general – this is something men should learn how to do. Someone should write a life lesson about this, so I can show it to my boyfriend. Nice duppydom Lisa and nice to meet you.

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Amie Warwick


Lisa – I completely get the idea of being spontaneous with your husband. Btw, the same applies in the bedroom or even being romantic. Thank you. I enjoyed reading your duppydom. Adaego – date night is always a good idea.

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Adaego M. Azi


Lisa, it’s nice to meet you. I agree with your article. I think that most people in relationships fall into a rut (maybe even boredom) and stop doing things spontaneously like they did when they were first dating. I forget who told me that if you are in a relationship, you should have date nights and always do something different for each date. But the only problem with date night is that you have to get your boyfriend to agree – lol.