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Amie Warwick

 

Why Jealousy Is A Relationship Killer

Posted On:19-Jul-2019/11:38 am

Jealousy is an emotion that sometimes just can’t be helped, especially when it comes to long-term relationships. Maybe it’s your partner’s close friend, or a co-worker that’s too close for comfort, sometimes it’s too easy to let jealousy take over. While it’s tempting to let the jealousy take over, in the end, all it can bring to a relationship is stress, heartache, and even separation.               

Attempting to drive a wedge between your partner and the person you are jealous of can cause resentment and frustration; it can also be incredibly offensive to your partner. Imagine how you would feel if, after spending time with a close friend, you come home to accusations. In the past, I’ve seen jealousy and over-protectiveness destroy an otherwise healthy relationship. My brother-in-law was once dating a woman who was jealous of every woman he ever spoke to.  She even started to have issues with me and him spending time together, despite knowing that I was married to his brother. Instead of having a rational discussion with him, she let the jealous fester and boil over until it poisoned their relationship. She would question his every move, ask who he had spoken to that day, and even demand to go through his phone. He, of course, never cheated or even flirted with another woman. Eventually, their relationship ended - she was simply too controlling and envious.

I can admit that I have been prone to jealousy within my own relationship. My partner was good friends with another woman. The jealousy took over my life, I would get suspicious every time his phone buzzed. I was angry with him all the time, we fought a lot, and I was always thinking about it. What it came down to was that I was stressing myself out simply because my partner had a friend of the same-sex. I realised how hypocritical I was being - I had male friends of my own, and my partner never suspected me, why was I questioning him? The answer is insecurity. I was insecure about myself and turned that insecurity into hate and jealousy. My partner had never been unfaithful or showed any sign of being attracted to his female friend, yet I made up this completely ridiculous scenario in my head and upset myself. Once I realised I was doing this to myself, I let it go. I eventually became friends with the girl myself, and my partner and I’s relationship grew stronger. While it’s easier said than done, sometimes just letting go of the jealousy can save your relationship and your own well-being. While some people do cheat, and it’s terrible when that happens, sometimes a friend or a close co-worker is just that and nothing more. By controlling your partner’s life you can cause cracks to spread throughout your relationship, crumbling trust and intimacy. In conclusion, if you are beginning to feel jealousy towards your partner’s friends, just talk to your partner about it, express how you feel, and then move on.

Takeaways:

1 : jealousy can take over your life

2 : jealousy really boils down to insecurity

3 : letting go of jealousy can help your well-being

Category:  Emotions / Subcategory:  Jealousy

Tags: jealousy, relationship killer, envy, insecurity, unfaithful, controlling, trust, resentment, frustration

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D. C. Lawrence

26-Jul-2019

Jealousy, the “green eyed monster” “can lead even the nicest people to do awful things”. Amie, Adeago and S. Jakes, I agree with all of you, jealousy is often a result of insecurity in a relationship. I think some men get jealous when other men give their girlfriend/wife too much attention (at least in their minds), and they think that she will end their relationship for some other guy (or perhaps he had this happen in the past, so now he is extremely possessive in all relationships). As Amie alluded to in her duppydom, this is not a “guy thing” - women can be just as jealous. Whatever the reason, the problem lies with the jealous person. S/he must realize that jealousy is part of their relationship template and it must be resolved – being possessive, overly jealous, etc., rarely ends well. Good duppydom Amie.

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Amie Warwick

21-Jul-2019

S. Jakes and Adaego, it’s nice to meet you too. This is my first article on this site so it’s nice to get positive feedback. I look forward to reading more of your life lessons. Thanks again.

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Adaego M. Azi

20-Jul-2019

Jakes (hope you don’t mind), I am with you on that. When I first meet a guy, I find it difficult to tell if he is the jealous type. It seems that for some guys, as soon as you have sex with them, they become possessive and jealous. What’s the deal with that? Now, as soon as I sense that a guy is the jealous type – I’m out!! Amie, I like your post.

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S. Jakes

19-Jul-2019

Amie, it’s nice to meet you. I agree, jealousy can be a relationship killer. I once had this boyfriend who would not want me to talk to any guy, and it did end our relationship. I don’t know why some guys get this way. Nice duppydom.