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Amelia Roosevelt

 

You Don’t Know Me

Posted On:04-Apr-2021/5:39 am

I recommend you, a good sturdy door fixed for your teenager’s room.

Yes, I meant it. It is the most beaten object in your house when you try to start a discussion with your teenager. Isn’t it?

With my double experience, I have some good count on the fact. It starts with many adorable words you could think of, to call your child and ends up with no clue on what happened in between. Nobody knows how it developed into that.

Why this? Why adolescents are this mean?

Let us talk about a different subject. Think about how we reacted to COVID 19 new developments. The way we reacted to lockdowns, restrictions and masks. In the beginning, it was a tremendously anxious time. We didn’t know how to react. We didn’t know when this will end up. We tried to drop our masks when we talk. We didn't know what to purchase when lockdowns announced. We were struggling to cope with our routines. The workplace became a mess. Mental struggles – fear, loneliness and suicidal thoughts became daily news.

That is how we reacted to a change. We – the mature, rational, experienced adults reacted to a brief change in our life. We were kind of panicked. Aimless.

What is the relevance of that to our topic?

It is about the things we don’t notice when our child grow. Some big changes.

Since it happens so gradually, so silently we are unaware of our child’s transformation. From the heavily dependent infant, they suddenly are seekers of independence. His/ her whole soul is craving for recognition, dominance and attention. Always feeling inadequate. Hormones ruling over their bodily functions, commanding them to declare freedom.  They are struggling to attain self-control, to go back to that timid obedient selves their parents known of.

It is kind of a pathetic time.

There is no one to say his/ her worries. Even s/he doesn’t know what is going on within him/ her. Why they grow more than or less than their friend, that new facial hair, unsightly pustules all over the face, bodily changes make them very uneasy. Am I beautiful like my friend? Will I be taller? Girls have much more uncomfortable developments. Boys show aggressiveness in every move claiming their dominance. Natural transitions are bringing massive changes around him/ her. They feel confused and ashamed. They feel humiliated to discuss any of that.

So, it is not surprising to hear riot against controls, delinquency, vandalism and school dropouts.

They want more in everything. More food, more money, more clothes – sometimes unbearable demands. They have high expectations, frequent comparisons. Want to be par with the peers but not fully accepted.

To fuel the fire their studies getting tougher. They are going through life-changing moments. A period full of stress, a period of testing, a period of trial and error. Including alcohol, drugs and unsafe sex. Suffering the repercussions. You can peep into a teen’s mind in “Ann Frank’s diary” – how curious she was about the changes in her body, the things she heard about sex. That is even under dire circumstances.

We have to understand this confused creature.

By now they have developed a stronger sense of right and wrong. They see flaws in their parents. They are capable of more complex thoughts.

No surprise for their moodiness.

It is the most crucial time to have open discussions. Both parent and the child have to be honest and open. Both have to listen to each other. A child should have someone to express his/ her feelings. The parent must know what is going on around him/ her. Their honest guidance is crucial because they have gone through that path before. Same way parent must admit their child's actual capabilities.

Children need to get more actively engaged in household chores. Through that, they could gain hands-on experience in life's challenges, closer bonds and a time to open their thoughts. Theories are developed for hypothetical simple circumstances. Life has no “when all the other factors remain constant” situations. It is a complex, paradoxical and uncertain ground.

To know each other, to know what is happening around the other is more important in these times.

Not only the parents but also the teenager should have some tolerance about their not so brilliant, conventionally thinking parents.

For me as such a parent, it is heart-breaking when the door slams.

Takeaways:

1 : Teen is not mean

2 : Changes are challenging. Teenage is very challenging

3 : Be open to the teenage. It is necessary

Category:  Parenting / Subcategory:  Teen is not mean

Tags: Teenage, Changes, Challenges, open communication, know your teen, teenage problems

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Adaego M. Azi

17-Apr-2021

Amelia--I can tell you are a good mom. At least you want to understand your kids. The teenager years are trying times and parents have to be patient. I remember slamming a lot of doors when I was that age. Even though sometimes I did not show love, my mother always did. I am sure you do too :-) Thank you Amelia.

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Amara Kone

16-Apr-2021

Amelia, I think the title of your duppydom says it all. Teenage angst is the problem. I read somewhere that because their brain is not fully developed, they take all their problems very seriously and think that what they are feeling is unique to them. That is probably why they feel the world is against them.

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Lisa Steffler

16-Apr-2021

Amelia, I have two of the devils that you speak of, so I feel your pain. So true about their bedroom door. My husband and I decided to remove the lock from the door of my son--his behavior was becoming unruly and sometimes he would not open his door when we knocked. We do try to listen, sometimes he is an angel, but sometimes….

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Amie Warwick

05-Apr-2021

Amelia, I think even a thousand years from now, there will always be conflict between parents and teenagers. They just do not think the same and they are living in the same house (trapped) so they cannot get away from each other. I could see myself in your duppydom. My parents just did not understand me.